He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
