Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
