fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
