Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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