well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
