I accidentally had phone sex last night
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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