lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
