it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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