She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
