saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
