Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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