she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
A bitchslap is in order.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
