I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
