do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
