I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
