she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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