We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
