I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
