Please, let me fuck your mom
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
