so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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