She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
