wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
