Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
