If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
