Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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