how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
