I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
it's like iHOP with fire
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
