is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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