school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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