I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
