you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
