Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
