Your dad touched me again.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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