Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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