dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
