I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
