My room smells like vodka and shame
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
