Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
