what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
