I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
