but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
