Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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