Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
