Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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