Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
