You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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