You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
