Just cropdusted the office
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
