Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
