how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
