okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
