trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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