Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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