HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
FUCK WHALES
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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