I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
