I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
