How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
