even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
